panic attack

November 12, 2009 at 5:49 am Leave a comment

my legs aren’t mine
inside
my organs throb and jostle and grow
and fear grips my heart
and squeezes

my kidneys swell and swim sideways
my stomach tightens
my eyes dim
my feet go from heavy to weightless
in under a second
and i yell out “No”

but there’s no one
just the night
pressing against me
chafing against my skin
i’m scared
i am scared

i grab at my breath
like a drowning swimmer
grab at it and pull
in the air and breathe it out again
i count 1 2 3 4
i count them 5 6 7 8
when i get to 10
i have nowhere to go but start
at the beginning again

my feet drive me forward
closer to safety
where’s that?
how to escape the terror
of my own skin

but it’s not the end
it’s a beginning
with memory
with recognition
with knowing that
it’s not over until it’s over
and i’m still here
still here

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Entry filed under: Poetry.

skytrain ride riff

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