the art of apology

Giving apologies
makes me feel small, insignificant, inferior
who likes that?
I hate doing something worth apologizing for
because it pisses me off,
and being pissed off
is messy, trust me.

This past week I lost my temper
and spat it out into this weary world
it hit someone
he wiped himself clean and walked
out of the room, leaving me.
I don’t like to be left
even though I’m left-handed
I want to be right.
Why can’t I be right?

I hate
having to apologize
because there’s no guarantee you’ll be accepted
there’s no guarantee that the other person
will claim responsibility for their part
and of course they have a part in it
they almost always do
or so you comfort yourself
but
you can’t control their conscience
only your own
and mine is aching
so OK here goes:
I’m sorry.
It’s the mature thing to do.

Sometimes it changes things
sometimes it doesn’t
you can’t know if you don’t try
This is where I try.