Forgiveness is a process

October 19, 2010 at 5:57 am 1 comment

I used to think people just forgave people, and that was that – you moved on. But I realize, now, that forgiving takes time. In fact, it’s not an event but a process that never ends. Forgiveness, like love, grows stronger as one engages in it. And some days are easier than others. Old habits, like anger, resentment, bitterness, they die hard. But die they must, or the damage they cause will perpetuate itself across generations.

I am by no means a devout Buddhist. I meditate when I remember to, and I listen to dharma talks usually when my mood starts to dip. I have no real sangha because I am, still, too much of a loner although I’m working on that. But my dabblings in Buddhism have taught me one valuable thing: just because you have a feeling, doesn’t mean you need to indulge it. Just because that anger bubbles up into your throat and leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, doesn’t mean you need to spew it out at the first person that happens across your path. Anger, bitterness, rage, hate — these are all just forms of energy that can be transformed. They NEED to be transformed or else they will distort you; make you ugly and devour you like a vampire. They CAN be transformed. It may sound trite, but they can be turned into love.

For the people in my life who hurt me, I forgive you. But forgiveness takes time so be patient with me. And with that realization comes another: the people I hurt, the ones who didn’t understand why I treated them so badly, they, too, will not forgive me overnight. How can they? Being comfortable with that discomfort, that – to me – is part of growing up.

So this is what it feels like to make peace with the past.

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Entry filed under: Mental Health.

The packer “It’s not you it’s me”

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. william wallace  |  October 19, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    I don’t think you’ll say to anybody the words
    “I FORGIVE YOU”. Howz that ? you may ask.

    The simple reason by the time you get around
    in saying “I FORGIVE YOU” Nobody will be
    around to hear it they will all having been long
    gone. Having left a note to say your heartless.

    JOKING APART / FORGIVING A PERSON MAKES NO DIFFERENCE TO THE SITUATION / WHAT YOU WISH
    AS ADVISE IF PEOPLE DO WRONG. THEY SHOULD
    CHANGE THEIR WAYS / AS DO WOT BEING RIGHT.

    YOUR FORGIVING DOES NOT STOP THE PERSON IN
    FACING THE ULTIMATE JUDGEMENT/ AS ALL MUST.

    IF HAVING DONE WRONG YOU’LL BE BROUGHT TO
    TRIAL AS A SENTENCE PASSED. / THERE BEING NO
    FORGIVNESSS IN HEAVEN. FORGIVNESS IS A MAN
    MAN MADE ESCAPADE (where those of learning) IN
    BEING CAUGHT THEY THEN / PLEAD FORGIVNESS

    WHERE AN POOR STRUGGLING SOD WOULD ONLY
    GET THE ROPE AROUND NECK (NO MERCY GIVEN).

    In truth there no forgivness all be in time brought
    unto account / where a sentence is but passed.

    However in the material realm if it makes one feel
    better to say one forgives. Then forgive / forgive
    forget / forget / drink dance sing be merry /yrrem..

    Reply

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