Itchy wounds at night

October 28, 2010 at 5:02 am Leave a comment

Boy oh boy does healing make you itchy! My chest seems to be healing up alright so far this time (knock on wood) but it’s all I can do to NOT reach over and scratch the heck out of myself! It made me think, though, about how healing involves moving from one stage of discomfort into the next until, finally, the discomfort dissipates entirely and you are left with a scar, perhaps, and a bundle of hazy memories.

One valuable lesson I will take from my long convalescence is the value of patience. Patience is a virtue I’ve struggled with since I was a child — I am reminded of sitting next to my babysitter, surrounded with puzzle blocks and frustrated to no end. Why couldn’t everything just find its OWN place?

While I think of myself as results-oriented, the process of getting to that result is often a windy path of false starts and narrowly-avoided pitfalls. I thrive off of that chaos, but only if I know that the ending is near and that all will soon be resolved. In high school this meant that I would only enjoy tackling a science or math problem if I already knew what the answer was. Once the anxiety of never finding the answer was removed, I could concentrate on enjoying the path that would lead me there. Backward, I know.

Come to think of it, I am living the ultimate resolved question: life. We each know what the answer will be — there is no escaping our own mortality. So that means it’s time to relax into the process of living, dammit! Death can take it’s merry old time.


Entry filed under: Mental Health. Tags: , .

Growing up with depression Trans Sexuality

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