the heart so cool

You don’t have to break it
pulverize it squeeze it flatten it
turn it into dust
spit it into the ocean
throw it hard into the air

You don’t have to take a hammer and bang bang bang it
until it’s bloody
unrecognizable or
unrecognizably bloody

You create all this noise because of what?
Broken promises?
You must be kidding me, boy.
That’s what you are:
A boy.

You trounce around like a wolfman
wishing you had something to sink
your teeth into but you don’t
get used to it
you can
get used to it

it’s not the end of the world
it’s not the end of anything
except this stupid silly dream
this idea you have in your head
this stupid thought that was planted like a seed
when you really were a boy
the one your TV cultivated for you each night
like a fool

I’ll spell it out for you, OK?
Put down the gun, drop the knife, unclench your fist first
so you can see
you don’t have to break it to believe
you don’t have to believe to break it
it doesn’t need you to get all pumped up or
beaten down;
it’s there
just there
for you

morning light

exhausted I peel out of bed
lather my face with stale shaving cream
cut away the stubble like weeds on my cheeks
climb into wrinkled black trousers and button-down shirt
sneeze and rub my eyes and curse
my autumn allergies

hear the neighbours downstairs bang and clang
as they ready themselves for work
and me climbing quietly back in bed
wrapped in my pink and blue duvet
the pattern worn through, the corners frayed
I don’t feel the joy of my existence
soft like a lover lying next to me

only the cacophony of the night
still rings in my tired ears

fallen angel

There was a time i cared
what others thought
still do
but less and less of me is left
to think
to care
to wonder what’s next

i’m just a bundle of desires
clinging on for dear life
only there’s nothing to hold on to
and i’m falling

there’s no one there to catch me
and no one gave me the instruction manual
for the wings
on my back

Grace note

Singing me into life

a string pulled tight

Your song isn’t mine

You are the bass to my treble clef

I  cannot silence you

I will not silence you

You are the key

I lost when as a child

I fell into a false note

and couldn’t leap clear

You opened me

to another possibility

so loud so deep so inescapable

the earth shifts

when I walk on it

you opened the door

and I lept not knowing

the wings I bore weren’t open yet

you reached for me

your grip warm on the back of my neck

you held me safe

I did not fall

I could not fall

You towered like a waterfall

sprayed me with grace

and from the soil moist with your love

sprouted a new life

You gave birth to me and I

I was the answer